Stock Market Report

TODAY’S STOCK MARKET REPORT

Helium was up.

Feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market,

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading,

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Nappies remain unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stack inched up

Sun peaked at midday,

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

Kite sales hit an all-time high,

Fish sales were floundering.

Yo-yos were going up and down.

Yachts were all wet.

Playground equipment went on a slide.

Ice machines were frozen solid.

Paper shredders were tearing up the market.

Fencing was having a field day.

Windows were breaking all records.

Javelin sales had missed the mark.

Hunting equipment is being scoped out.

Gravel futures are bumping along,

Airplanes have gone sky-high.

Parachutes seem to be drifting.

Frog legs took a jump.

Medical supplies increased

Jazz sales are swinging along.